#the rest will be live and sparatic

[acourtofquestions]

A new day, and the final one (to put it dramatically cause I’m in the feels)

Kingdom of Ash Chapter 100 here I come… I’ll see you in some random spam mini posts (maybe — I’m mostly reading at this point non-stop lol) but there shall be some large posts after the Epilogue…

Mostly right now theories, thoughts, concerns😅: I’m pondering Aelin’s power; she hasn’t had it most of the series and doesn’t need it but we do have 1,000 Ironteeth + Maeve & Erawan on the way (currently my theory is she’s been storing her magic in Goldryn somehow and will be able to use it to unleash her power at an insane level… mostly because they keep mentioning the ruby looked like it’s sparking or her hands on it and it’s rare that SJM does that at this frequency without reason), plus Maeve is out of magic so she should be ready, & Dorian is fired up for his father against Erawan; maybe with Aelin combined they can do it. Or a classic Rowaelin Carranam. And I bet Essar can teach her the gifts in small ways.

I’m hoping Lys meets Falkan (my soul needs this). I need Gavriel & Aedion to makeup & get their oaths (Ren too), gotta get that LysAedion kiss (and no one better die). I need Dorian to go comfort Manon along with everyone else because they understand; Aelin, Elide… Terrasen’s children lost everyone. I need a Kingsflame bloomed and a coronation, I’d like to know who the heck killed Aelin’s parents and what does the damn owl mean! I want Aelin to meet Nox! I want Fleetfoot to meet Abraxos! I wanna know the Chaorene baby name😂 I want at least one scene of Empress Nesryn! Lady of the Ghost Leopards Lys! GIVE ME A MANORIAN “I LOVE YOU”. And wants/hopes that prob won’t happen but I’m saying it anyway: I know it probably won’t but I’d love if Elena got some sliver of peace. I want the white wolf and the wolf together, Aelin & Rhoe’s Shield + an Aedion reunion & an Evangeline/Fleetfoot/family hug, one moment of all of them together (again no one dies immediately after). AND THEY ALL DESERVE A SOFT EPILOGUE & future with long therapy filled lives! & a Rowaelin baby since they’ve both said they want a family together like that🥹

Mostly I’m worried over people dying… Sarah has proven that she will & can kill a lot of characters at once… I am in shock & grieving so… A little worried about about Dorian but I think he’ll be fine, a lot of worry about side characters: Murtaugh (for Ren), Ren (generally speaking which would suck cause I want to know him more), Kyllian (Aedion clearly loves him I don’t want to see that heartbreak), Ansel (because her people are gone and Manon is the Witch-Queen… I’d prefer an alliance, healing moment cause they both lost them all & maybe see if she’s got a thing going with Ilias cause the irony there👌😂👏). Hafiza (for Yrene; please don’t do another big sacrifice… I’ve already lost twelve today😭 the number is off… no…), oh and I’m pretty sure Darrow will die. Then the bigger ones: above all The Cadre have me concerned; Lorcan (cause him & Elide will always be running out of time), Fenrys (for Aelin or Lorcan), Gavriel (for his son). & otherwise: Aedion (he does not need to die for redemption Sarah DONT YOU DARE).

So, here we go… the first read of the ending of the books I’ve loved since February and will carry with me always… with a lil bit of sleep & the day complete with nothing but reading time: Beginning with Chapter 100: Aedion

P.S. I’ve got Crescent City; House of Earth & Blood on standby to read tonight (I need to pour my feelings in another book with the hope of maybe seeing Aelin again😭) I don’t care if it’s denial I don’t wanna know I just need it🤣

[blueishspace]

Lucky Life session 3

Blueishspace (He/Him) + @a-sociopath-do-your-research aka Oli (Xe/Void/It): 💛💛

@bendy8me aka Bendy (She/Her) + @juno0n aka Juno (She/Her): 💚💚💚

@raeistrying aka Rae (She/Her) + @silverorchideon aka Orchid (He/They): 💚💚💚

@communistcatboi aka Catboi (He/They) + @theblackglitch aka Glitch (She/Her): 💚💚💚

@kazanfamily aka Kazan (He/They) + @max05nb aka Max (They/Them): 💚💚💚

@twisttea aka Twisttea (She/Her) + @cowgirlginger aka Ginger (She/Her): 💛💛

@italianbiscuit aka Manu (She/Her) + @lizzlylou aka Liz (They/Them): 💚💚💚

@thatoneloudintrovert aka Floracica (She/Her) + @not-ready-for-gaster aka Bee (She/They): 💛💛

@whats-she-gonna-post-next aka Starfall (She/They) + @frostywisp aka Fros (They/Them): 💚💚💚

@the-local-pineapple aka Tessa (She/Her) + @spectresharmony aka Ari (She/Her): 💚💚💚

@astoriagalaxy aka Astoria (All) + @3-pots-of-soup aka Soup (Any): 💚💚💚

Session 3 time!

This is the wheel for this session:

Twisttea, Ginger, Glitch and Catboi meet up. Glitch and Ginger keep bonding over hating Kazan for the whole wolf stunt. Twisttea and Catboi just... akwardly third and fourth wheel the two for a while before discussing a possible alliance.

Tessa and Ari visit the Fros/Starfall/Bendy/Juno group...it doesn't go well, they attempt to scam them, they get into a discussion, they are forced to leave.

Kazan pranks their allies Manu and Liz by re-arranging all the items in their shared base. The other two end up not noticing tho as their chests were never organized to begin with.

Orchid and Rae attempt to find some resources by mining but find themselves falling in the deep dark and barely manage to survive.

Oli accidentally looks an enderman in the eyes, void don't get to safety in time and get mauled to death. Blue (Me) dies to the soulbound immediately after. The game from now on changes. ❤️ (Murder and Trap chance increases)

Soup and Astoria scam Floracica with an offer of liberating her from her soulbound, they don't actually have plans to get rid of Bee, they are lying.

Max encounters Bee, they are quick to offer her the powdered snow. Bee refuses.

Glitch is sparated from the others as night comes and is shot by a skeleton too many, dying and bringing Catboi down with her. 💛💛

Manu, knowing Liz is going to be the first target for the red lives considering previous...horse shenanigans... And begins trapping their base.

Kazan visits Blue and Oli's base in an attempt to steal from them, the two catch him in the act and a good aimed shot from Oli takes their first life. Max respawns immediately after. 💛💛

Ari and Tessa meet up with Twisttea and Ginger to discuss an alliance but it doesn't go anywhere as the two are afraid of the others turning red in the near future.

Astoria stumbles onto Bee, they take pity on her and offer them an alliance. Bee is unsure but agrees.

Soup meanwhile is absolutely killing it in the Nether, like genuinely getting all kinds of things...including 2 wither skeleton heads.

Floracica manages to do something no one else could, she gets to the deep dark and steals the enchanting table.

Juno and Starfall separate from their respective soulbounds as a safety precaution, telling them to eat food if their health lowers, as they venture into the Nether once again. They meet Soup which tries and fails to hide the wither heads.

Fros and Bendy, meanwhile, dig tunnels under the map and accidentally find the already looted mineshaft. They set up a secret emergency base inside.

Max attempts to get in the deep dark to find the enchanting table only to discover it has already been taken. He does find a skeleton spawner however.

Orchid and Rae stay behind to fortify their base.

Middle of session event (Ooh lore, big wow #2):

Kazan has been blessed by the all seeing eye with regeneration for the rest of the session.

Fros goes to Liz and Manu's base but accidentally springs the trap they placed earlier this session and gets blown up taking Starfall down with them. 💛💛

Manu panics and when cornered pretends she didn't place the trap and that instead it was Bee who went insane by not having a soulbound.

Tessa, while mining, finds Fros and Bendy's secret emergency base and, without knowing who it belongs to, robs them blind.

Soup encounters Glitch as she's stealing from Kazan's base, they try to stop her but fails and inadvertently ends up killing one of Kazan's wolves. Glitch then kills the other before running off.

When Kazan reads the death messages he's sneakily following Catboi, when they do read them they get angry and attack Catboi before setting fire to Glitch and Catboi's base.

Astoria, while deep in the mines, finds a creeper spawner which immediately turns into a very rough gunpowder farm.

Starfall sees Kazan as they are running from the burning remains of the base they just burnt. They offer him protection with ulterior motives.

Bee ventures into the nether and manages to get a wither skeleton head, Floracica sees them and accuses Bee of being insane and wanting to summon a wither.

Bendy attempts a late monopoly on sugarcane by stealing It from Soup and Astoria, unaware that they have more on them and that Oli and Blue have some too.

Astoria meanwhile is done with mining and is instead fishing.

Juno finds and kills Catboi's zombie villager before he gets a chance to cure him.

Ginger and Twisttea meet up with Catboi who seeks to strenghtem the alliance against Kazan, Twisttea is now the only member without some reason to hate Kazan.

Oli manages to corner Liz, Oli and Liz have a long fight and when Oli is amost dead Blue joins in as well killing Liz and with the soulbound Manu.💛💛

Orchid explores the Nether with very little success.

Rae and Max go in the Nether soon after Orchid and manage to find a curse of binding book which they use to prank Orchid by binding leather leggings to him.

[corviisquire]

I’ve read the comments on my post abt soulsborne sleep token thing! Here’s some concept art I tried. More is on the way just… HW ew. Tagging people who were interested/encouraging this idea: @sleep-token @wingedinsect @moonchild-in-blue @foundationsofdecay @madsthenightowl @a-s-levynn

Undercut is me mindlessly rambling about what’s going on in my brain about this. Don’t read unless you like torturing yourself with reading.

I guess to start, I have only played Elden Ring (crucible knight more like crucible kill yours-IM JOKING), I’ve watched some lore videos on Elden Ring Bloodborne and DS1, haven’t played DS1 yet, and have all the art books except DS2 (cause nobody likes DS2). I’ve played very limited DND games. I’ve read lots of weaponry wiki pages but I have bad memory. If any information I say below is incorrect (like I say this sword is two-handed but it’s not or I misspell spauldor… spalder? Spauldron?) please correct me. I’m just using information I know and I’m always open to suggestions and feedback!

Random Lore Bits: Sleep and the Whale lived in peace but Sleep was always the higher deity. It created all that lives on the land and the TMBTE creatures. Sleep had many worhsippers but Vessel and the rest stood out. They were appointed as the highest knights of sleep. Vessel always had Sleep’s favor and therefore became Sleep’s vessel. Confusing I’m aware lmao. Sleep and Whale became enemies somehow and Sleep injured the whale, causing it to die. This time period before the Whale’s death was called Eden. NPCs speak of Eden all the time about how, “Peace and day has never been restored since Eden” “Eden is over” “If the whale were here, Eden would still be here”. All followers of Sleep become corrupt.

Bosses: Once killed, all bosses turn into statues and have branches grow out of them. They aren’t dead, just dormant. You can fight them again but returning to their fight area and making an offering of a certain amount of tokens. Once defeated again they return to being dormant. If you defeat all resurrected bosses (fought each one twice) you get smth called a Talisman of Blood (important later).

Regular enemies: Idk skeletons???? Giant birds??? Snakes???? Giant insectoids Idk bro???

Location: Like Elden Ring lands between, it’s called Fields of Elation. The capital city is either Nazareth or Jericho. I’ll try to incorporate Calcutta somehow. Geography is a mix of frigid coast, deep dark forest, large cavernous cave strictures, old ruined castles with mysterious rusty machinery inside, sparatic temples to sleep (all whale temples were destroyed), and the remnants of towns. Large trade road that goes through the entirety of the land is called the Path of Reason??? Idk bro I’m spitballing.

Currency: Tokens. Killing enemies and bosses earns you large amounts of tokens and like how runes work, you can level up you and your armaments with them.

Waypoints: Sites of grace, bonfires, more like RITUALS (I am not funny). I think calling waypoints rituals makes sense.

Flasks HP/FP: Estus Flask, Flask of Crimson/Cruelean Tears…. How about Flssk of H I G H W A T E R. Nah I’m kidding. No idea! Suggestions are open! I’m reading lyrics and nothings jumping out.

Incantations/Spells: Can be equipped to magic armaments and weapons! Kinda like you can choose between spell sword or just being a wizard.

Player Character: Tarnished, undead, hunter…. No idea what to call them. Robes and garments Very inspired by TPWBYT. Thinking the whale was an ancient god defeated by Sleep. Player Character is gifted with a certain power of the whale and was resurrected to defeat Sleep. Game opens with epic cutscene and player charter emerges from a cavern (TLYW) and goes through it before finding themselves on the coast of a freezing raging sea and an inviting forest. There’s probably one class you play as cause I’m lazy and you just collect armor and new weapons on the journey. TLYW style robes with greaves, hood, and gauntlets. Basic longsword.

Vessel: I’ve read the feedback and I agree that staff needs to stay. Live laugh staff. I’ve seen a few Elden ring builds where it’s right armament is staff for casting the long range stuff and left armament is a short sword, miséricorde (mercy dagger), scimitar(?), or other various short weapons. I like the image of this because I imagine him having somewhat light armor so if you’re far away, he spell. If you’re close, he stab. Spells are gonna be red. Change my mind. I like the Elden Ring boss Maliketh’s magic attacks so I imagine something like that. I imagine his boss fight starts with epic cut scene with him kneeled in a big arching cathedral temple type place and he’s like, “you seek to defeat the vessel of Sleep, foolish warrior? I have not known defeat against those of the sea nor those of Sleep” or some crazy bs like that. Half health, hands of Sleep show up and swipe and grab and Player Character. Just giant spindly hands that appear and float around. Attempts to break away form Sleep control but fails so that why he evil >:}

II: Dual wielding… what? No idea. I want him to dual wild some sort of straight weapon cause like drumsticks but honestly… sickles are so badass… Med. to light armor so he can move around a lot. Some sort of helmet with feather Mohawk. Boss area is probably in a fort outside of the main city. Just you and this guy. Get ready for a stamina check.

III: I’m torn between frenzied flame/black flame style magic user or spell sword. If magic, light armor. If spell sword, med. armor. Boss fight in a large old temple, candlelit and torn tapestries everywhere. Better have some fire immunity talismans on you.

IV: Halbert. All the way. Heavy armor my guy. Idk not much to say. Thinking banished knight ornstein inspo?? Boss fight Outside the gates to Vessel/Sleep’s castle. Vigor check time!!!

Chokehold: large dark cavern with webs strung about. It appears from above like, “A traitor to Sleep, hm? Pity. You seemed like you would be a good asset to the Vessel’s artillery.” Big axe time. High HP high strength boss. Vulnerable spot is probably its stomach area. Gives you armor, weapon, talisman, and incantation “Branches in a Flood” (roots sprout from the ground and entangle enemy).

The Summoning: Player probably stumbles upon the fight after meeting Aqua Regia and Granite. Mean killing machine. Idk what else to say erm… maybe player interacts with a sleep token symbol on a pillar with runes and it summons (pun intended) the summoning creature??? Stonehenge lookin boss area. Armor, weapons, talisman, and incantations are dropped.

Granite: Relatively peaceful NPC. Dialogue options are cool and it probably raises stats and alters your armaments. Quest line ends with Granite maybe just becoming dormant or it becomes a member of sleep again and sad boss fight initiates. Drops its armor, axes, root/weed talisman that increases stamina and immunity.

Aqua Regia: Chill and never ends in boss fight. Probably lets you summon them during other boss fights. Spear and sword. Gifts you new armor and talismans. Quest line maybe ends with them becoming too weak to keep battling and becomes dormsnt. You get their armor, spear, sword, rose talisman that raises FP, and a spell/incantation that shoots gold acid rays called Gold Rush or smth similar (Like Aqua Regia? Get it?)

Vore: Awesome boss. Inflicts poison damage for sure. I think we can all imagine how fighting Vore would be. In a poison lake haha it wants you to suffer. Armor, weapons, talisman, and incantations are dropped.

Ascensionism: Swords swords swords. Pulls a Starscourge Radahn and turns a meteor and player has to dodge lmao (cause yk ascending). Boss area is probably in a giant colosseum that’s old and crumbling. Armor, weapons, talisman, and incantations are dropped.

Are You Really Okay?: Player character pulls a stupid and decides to touch and inspect the strange incubator with a fetus inside and AYRO appears and is like “DONT TOUCH MY CHILD” initiate boss fight. Small castle is the boss fight area. Armor, weapons, talisman, and incantations are dropped.

The Apparition: Big guy, big hammer. Boss fight is somewhere in a forest clearing. No other ideas for it. Drops weapons, armor, talisman, incantations like everyone else.

DYWTYLM: Chokehold but with tiny dagger and looks like a giant engine. Probably shoots fire from the pipes on its body? Chokehold is PISSED if you defeat this guy first. Brothers fr fr. Boss fight in an old building filled with machinery. Speed is low but HP is super high. Drops armor, weapons, incantations, and talisman.

Rain: Your magic immunity better be HIGH. Renala style fight: Crazy hits, bad defense. Probably drops some crazy cool incantations, armor (really bad armor), and a talisman of fire immunity and raises your FP. Boss fight area is in a shiny crystaly forest area surrounded by weeping willow/wisteria like trees.

Take Me Back To Eden: The last boss before Vessel. Killer fight. Armor is also fire??? Difficult but probably super dope. Boss fight is in a SUPER large hallway in the castle of Sleep. Drops weapons, armor, talisman of resistance against airborne attacks.

Euclid: NPC that’s probably cranky and hesitant to befriend you at first. Still a follower of Sleep but respects the players fate to defeat the sleepmiester (I’m so tired bro—). Might fight you idk.Once dormant, drops and old mask of Vessel, a few incantations, and armor.

Endings: Endings one: You defeat vessel, sleep becomes dormant and no gods rule over the land. Creatures and vessels are resurrected. Endings 2: You defeat vessel and become the new Vessel of Sleep. No difference from first ending, you just chose if ya wanna be evil or not. Endings 3: If you acquire the Talisman of Blood, Sleep sees you worthy to fight them without using a vessel. Radagon Elden Beast situation. When you defeat sleep, the whale is resurrected.

[jesquad26]

To Hold One Last Time

A Till Lindemann FanFiction

Based of “Engel” performance by Rammstein

(AO3 link at bottom of fic)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It still felt like some sick joke, some harsh reality the world threw at you to laugh in your face with. You missed him…

You’d still never forget the day you woke up in his bed next to him, a light breeze fluttering the curtains as the sun rose high in the blue sky, the thick scent of your late nights love lingering in the air, and his… Not so warm body at your side. You’d been sure it was some prank at first – he was notorious for things like that with you, but when it brought you to the point of you violently shaking his body with tears in your eyes, it was then that your mind refused to acknowledge this wasn’t any prank.

Till Lindemann, Dead at XX

It had all made sense now – the sparatic invitation over for the night, the state of his penthouse apartment when you’d stepped inside, the words he’d murmured into your ear before you’d drifted off to sleep, and the open bottle of sleep aids at his bedside that morning that hadn’t been there the night before… He’d spent his last breath with you by his side. – and not only that, he’d left more to your name then he had his own children and mothers of them.

~~

You two were merely beneficial friends; you had once been nothing more than some groupie that caught his eye at a after-show party, but after his first night with you… You weren’t just one to be let go like the rest. Texts to “send” turned into coffee dates at weird hours to avoid paparazzi and attention, and those only turned into dinners at one of your homes, and steamy nights under the sheets. You’d never really thought him one to have wanted this for himself… Sure, some his song lyrics were a little problematic, and some of his behaviors were a little self destructive, but he was a rockstar; it had been nothing more then something to shrug off as “the lifestyle”. You clearly weren’t the only one to do so, after all, it was no secret light in the limelight wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. But now it was too late to wonder: would he still be here at your side if you’d asked a simple”are you ok” every once in awhile?

~~

Since the incident, your days had been left to sitting about his penthouse apartment he’d left to your name. Your eyes were in a constant state of being weary, and your body never seeming to bounce out of exhaustion. Media was restlessly outside the home… And if it wasn’t them, it was fans, influencers, sometimes even people from his life trying to demand what was “rightfully theirs” or whatnot. You paid them all no mind. The only people you’d come to let into this sanctuary were his bandmates; you hadn’t known them all to well before this, known of them, of course, but with you being the one to have been the last by his side… They’d taken to you as someone just as important as Till had been to them. Bringing you coffee sometimes, or even beer – always what had been Till’s favorite kind. But if they weren’t bringing you something they were coming over to give you company, watch a movie or just get you a reason to smile. After all, none of them could imagine what it could have been like, that morning…

But today there was no company, hardly any media, and just a big, empty space of living with little remnants of him all around it.

You started the morning weeping softly into his pillow; you hated how it was starting to lose his natural scent to your own. Once your eyes were as dry as they were going to get, you willed yourself out the bed, shuffling to the kitchen for some food you were reluctantly needing to eat in nothing more then a pair of his boxers that had been discarded to the floor from that night, and a worn tee from one his dresser drawers.

With some sourdough toast spread with avocado, poached eggs, a açaí bowl and some juice in your system, you treated yourself to a beer as you shuffled into the living room… Spending a moment just to look through his vinyl collection, and pick one you wanted to throw on; it had become a daily ritual for you at this point. The sound of sleeves being filtered through filled the air for a moment, but that would be quick to change as you choose a record of choice – slipping it out the paper casing and laying it tenderly upon the turntable… The music quickly yet quietly filled the air around you for a ambient atmosphere, his voice though the top-line sound speakers the soothingest balms you could find these days from the reality.

You took yourself and your beer to the couch, plopping down on to it and sinking into the cushions as you just… Listened. You weren’t sure how long you were listening there for, but you figured it was about the third song in when you reopened your eyes, just to find yourself looking upon a sight that couldn’t be possible – that shouldn’t be.

“You know this is my least favorite album of the band, Schatzi”

His voice, his actual voice filled your ears for the first time in months. A voice that wasn’t just through some speaker, but rather in the room with you… Speaking to you, addressing you. And on top of it the owner of that voice was standing over by the record stand, doing just what you had moments before, shuffling through the collection…

“T-…. Till?”

Your voice was shaky at best, a lump welling in your throat yet tears unable to meet your eyes. As you spoke his name, he turned his head to look over at you, pushing is silver framed designer brand oval sunglasses up atop his slicked back black hair to really look you in the eye as he brought his attention away from the collection… He was wearing the very outfit he had the first night of your unofficial-official date

“Yeah…. I’m here, lieb”

Those gentle, knowing words were enough to have you choking out a soft and shaky sob, but still… No tears. Questions were racing in your mind, yet you were so shell shocked by the sight of him… And looking so well too. With color to his skin and light in his eyes..

“Till- baby, I-“

“Shh, Schatzi…”

He gently shushed at your sputtered attempt at words, setting the vinyls aside and approaching. His steps were slow, measured, making no noise against the floor… But his lips quirked up once he was near, and extending a hand out in invitation…

“Give me a dance first, ja? I want to show you what I’ve been practicing.”

You nearly wanted to laugh. You’d always used to relentlessly tease him about his lack of sentiment in the better days, and it had only been the night of your first “date” that you’d actually got him to give you a slow dance about the rug of his living room… With him half-heartedly complaining just about the whole time and you giggling in his arms. But despite it all it had been the perfect ending to a perfect night, even if he’d never truly admit it.

You were pulled from your thoughts though as a almost outworldly force was pulling you to your feet, your hand finding place in his own before you could really think, and… You were now wearing the very outfit you had the night of your first “date” too as you looked down upon yourself.

He swung you into position with your hand now in his, guiding you to the middle of the room with him as one hand continued to hold your own, the other helping your free hand to his shoulder before he found your waist… The atmosphere around you both suddenly shifted to night, and the two of you were swaying about his living space under his lead to the very song that had played through the speakers that night of your first dance.

As he guided you in a two step, everything just felt… Right for a moment. Right in a way things hadn’t in awhile now; like everything was really going to be ok.

He dipped you, and you gasped and giggled in surprise… But after that things slowed. You sighed a soft sigh of comfort and content, with your head coming to a rest against his broad chest as he swayed your body against his own in a state of now comfortable silence, the music in the air having slowly faded way to nonexistence ... And while one moment you two were in each others arms on the living room floor, and the next you were back in the bed, back to the last night of you two together, with your head resting against his now bare chest, and the atmosphere now completely silent save for the sound of his breathing… But not his heartbeat.

You eventually propped yourself up, looking down at him from where he lay bared beneath you – the only visible difference from now and that night being the large metal husks of wings adorned with white feathers that he laid upon, so big they hung off the bed and covered most the expanse of what they didn’t. Reality reemerged with sight of those, and you were suddenly back to frowning

“Till… Your-“

“Did the dance impress you?”

He cut your words off once more, clearly not wanting to hear you talking about it, and.. His hand raised to rest against your cheek thumb stroking affectionately over your cheekbone.

“I was able to lead the whole time, I was hoping you’d notice”

You leaned into his touch as he continued on about the dance, it was like a young child seeking acceptance of their mother, but your frown only deepening despite it all, and despite you trying to keep it under the wraps too.

“Till…”

You started once more, and he finally gave it up. With a sigh, he slowly sat, his eyes never once leaving yours as his hand slipped to your waist – you were just now realizing how cold his touch was against your skin

“I’m sorry, Schatzi”

He murmured, his voice a deep, remorseful rumble, and you merely shook your head. You weren’t wanting to hear apologies… No, you didn’t want to hear even close to one from him over this

“Don’t… Don’t apologize baby, just.. Tell me. Tell me why… Please”

You weakly begged, your saliva thick to swallow as your gaze was pleading… But he no longer met your eyes. Rather taken to playing with the hem to your shirt, and finding great interest in it now too.

“It… Was inevitable, Schatzi… I needed out, but..I needed one last time with you by my side first”

It was the best explanation he had – a poor one, he knew, but the best way to put the reality into words. The best way to put it for someone else to understand, for you to understand… But you still didn’t quite get it.

“Why didn’t you talk to me? Tell me… We could’ve gotten you help-“

“Nein”

He cut you off again, just firmly this time – not to be mistaken for unkindly. You just needed to get over the wishful thinking… And while he had admittedly thought such thoughts at one point too, he’d drawn the conclusion of that they’d be no use in time. And while it was that ultimatum that was giving you a heavy heart, you wouldn’t push it anymore. Not when he was clearly upset with the topic.

“… I miss you”

It was your next best thing to fill the thickened silence around you two. Most of what you’d wanted to say to him had been questions, offers, pleas all correlating to why… But he’d given you your awnser to all that pretty quick, it would seem.

“I’m… Around more often then you’d think, Schatzi”

He murmured now, coming to the point of just… beckoning you to lay back down against the bed with him at this point, and your body was weak to comply.

You were back to resting upon his chest, his words of soft assurance getting to your head, and distracting you from the heaviness taking back over your eyes as you lay within the forgotten comfort of his arms, his thumb gently stroking back and forth over your bared shoulder in a familiar gesture as you snuggled thoughtlessly into his side.

“Will I see you again…?”

You murmured after moments of the comfort, words more sleepy then you’d thought they’d be, and you felt a gentle, loving kiss against the top of your head of mused hair as your mind started to drift to a darkness, but before you were gone completely, you did in fact hear one last couple of words from his lips-

“I guess we’ll just have to see, Schatzi…”

When your eyes reopened… It felt like waking with a bad hangover. The world around was a little fuzzy, and the sun low in the sky with a late afternoon hour. You felt more groggy than most days, but as you got some of your bearings… You realized were back in the bed rather than on the couch where you’d remembered dozing off. Not only that, but as you started to shift up, you noticed a familiar, large, and white feather laying against the cotton sheets in front of you, in bed with you.

A feather that held his scent.

{{Link to AO3 if you want to support a baby writer ~~

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63652336

[frickfrackiwastakingabath]

@x-pair-o-dice-x @mcyt-gt-events

Prompt #1: something with bench trio,, mayhaps a trip to the beach,, and one or two of the trio are mers/sirens?

Hope you enjoy! Since I got this done early, I'll hopefully be able to do both prompts!

...

So Cool, Almost Made Me Forget I Was Drowning

Tws for bullying, drowning, accidental fearplay, calling a person "it" in a dehumanizing way

...

Ranboo lived in the small seaside town all his life. So it would be a logical conclusion to assume that Ranboo had learned to swim by now.

... no...

APARENTLY Ranboo's parents had found him in a wooden crate drifting at sea when he was a toddler. Due to general superstition of the town, his parents generally kept him away from the water.

As well as... Ranboo couldn't bring himself to get within a few feet of the ocean.

Something super cool and awesome when you lived by a seaside town and already look weird and don't even know your own history.

Perfect bullying material, apparently.

It would be logical to assume that the bullying would decrease during summer. Everyone would be glad to leave town for vacation, less time interacting because of no school.

But nope! Less school means more time for his bullies to hunt him down! And little to no adult supervision so they could beat the crap out of him!

Currently, Ranboo was being restrained by two goons. While Ranboo hated the water, he loved the beach. One of his main antagonizers had stumbled into him and were dragging him over to the ocean.

"Awe!" The bully (Ranboo was bad at names and had bigger things to worry about than to try and remember, sue him) fake cooed. "Afraid of the water?"

The goon on his left pulled him down. "Come on man, just the ocean you've lived by your whole life!"

"So-" the one on his right stuttered, mocking the stutter Ranboo actually got when he was nervous. "Sc sc sc sc scary!!!"

"Hey, isn't that your dad's boat?" The head pointed over to the dock where a nicer than average boat was.

The one on Ranboo's right gasped, smiling. "Yeah! And I just got my boating license!"

Ranboo struggled. He wouldn't doubt the boys could feel his heart beating through his wrists they were holding him by. "Come on guys, this is- isn't funny-"

"Shut up!" The one on his left pulled again, his grip tight. Ranbok wouldn't be surprised if it bruised later. "How far are you allowed to go out?"

"Fifteen miles," the one on his right grinned. "You think it'll help if we give him a floatie?"

The group laughed at the mediocre joke and dragged Ranboo over to the boat.

And... the rest was a blur. Ranboo was ashamed to say he barely even fought back, but as soon as he couldn't see the ocean floor he knew he was finished.

"Any last words?" The head held both his wrists, dangling him kver the side of the boat.

Since Ranboo couldn't think or get anything out on time, the bully let go, the freezing water flowing all around him. His joints felt achy from the cold, and he wasn't able to time his breaths with the waves or when his sparatic flapping got him above the water.

Ranboo saw the three stand on the boat, not driving away, as his vision went dark.

He felt his body drift, not knowing up from down, giving into exhaustion.

Drifting.

Drifting.

Drifting.

Sing... singing?

What sounded like a thousand voices sounded all around him. But it sounded like two voices played over and over again, maybe echoing in a cave. One sent tremors through Ranboo's chest, the other sounded like only dogs (or maybe whales, sense he was underwater) should be able to hear it.

He even felt himself trying to swim closer to where the voices could be coming from. In the back of his mind, he remembered the stories his parents told him about sirens, but luckily he wasn't a good enough swimmer to actually gain distance towards them.

Plus, sirens shouldn't be real.

Ranboo felt the water currents shift around him, and a new, less pleasant sound started. Like a garage door opening, or what a frog croaking might sound like if the listener was standing inside of its mouth.

He opened his eyes and was met with a glowing blue pair. Ranboo sucked in a breath-

He coughed, bubbles floating around him. His body instinctively tried to take another gasp of air, making him panic when it didn't work and ge was hyperventilating in WATER-

It didn't help that the... the THING in front of him had cupped its hands around him. It trilled and the water shifted again, but the one holding him wasn't moving.

WERE THERE TWO?!

Ranboo was forced against the palm of the creature's hand as he was pushed up to the surface of the water. There was still so much water though, and he was left choking on the scaley hand. Not that whatever was holding him would just eat him anyway.

"Tommy!" What the- "be careful! I don't think humans can be underwater as long as it was!"

"I know what I'm doing, Tubbo," the one holding Ranboo snapped. They could talk?! "I think I can... squeeze the water out of it?"

While Ranboo's vision was going purple, he could tell there were two large- very large figures looming over him. And lying in one's hand... it could crush him to death if it wasn't careful.

But it wasn't like Ranboo could STOP it.

Ranboo felt two claws on his back and stomach. The claws weren't long enough to straight up skewer him,but they'd leave bruises, maybe even bleeding with enough pressure.

Before Ranboo could protest, the claws of "Tommy" pressed into his back and stomach, pinching his fingers together. Ranboo spit up the water in his lungs violently, his throat felt torn and raw. He wanted to apologize for getting lung water all over the siren's hands, but he was still a little, ya know, IN SHOCK.

That sirens existed.

"Was that all of it? Check." Tommy held Ranboo like an awkward lanky ragdoll, like video of a man carrying around a ferret Ranboo once saw.

Now that his vision wasn't full of spots, Ranboo got a good look at what the giant fish siren things looked like. The one he was being held in front of- Tubbo- was a foresty light green with gold flecks all over. His eyes were a dark green, almost black, with a golden ring where the pupil must be. His fins were leaf like and his hair might be fluffy if it wasn't soaking wet. On top his head was a little tassel thing, glowing yellow against the overcast and rather dreary sky.

Turning around, the othersiren was also rather majestic for a beast that has his life in his hands. He was red and white, sort of like a Koi fish. This one also had golden flecks, and his hair was the same color. Instead of a tassel, this one's eyes glowed electric blue. In his worried expression, he beared sharp teeth. Tommy's fins were also flowier, more decorative.

"It still looks scared," Tubbo tilted his head. "Maybe that's cuz we're crowding it. What now?"

Ranboo weighed his options. Even if he knew how to swim he wouldn't out swim the sirens. And Tommy wasn't necessarily holding him TIGHT, but enough for it to be a struggle to escape.

Ranboo noticed himself hyperventilating, his throat was getting dried out from the salt. His ears were still ringing and the sirens were loud and he was trapped and never seeing his parents again and-

"It's breathing so fast-" Tommy said, with the wonder of a child. Suddenly, he cringed, releasing his grasp a little. "It's really scared, isn't it?"

Tubbo leaned in close, humming. Softly, gently... Ranboo's breathing synced up with the rhythm, and his heart slowed. Looking into the siren's eyes, he couldn't bring himself to believe that they would actually eat him.

"Can we drop it off at the docks?" Tommy asked. "I see humans there all the time."

Tubbo looked up at the sky, furrowing his.... equivalent of eyebrows. "It's mid-day... it's probably bustling with humans. We'd be spotted for sure."

"But we can't just leave it here!" Tommy groaned. "Anywhere else where other places we can drop it off where other humans can take it to safety?"

"Uhm-" Ranboo lifted his hand meekly, like he wanted to answer a question in class.

Both of the sirens snapped over to him, causing him to shrink back. Oh gosh what was he doing oh gosh oh gosh oh- "there's a cove that leads into the ocean. I'm pretty much the only person who goes there... you could drop me off at the cove? Maybe? Sorry-"

"You can talk!" Tubbo leaned in closer. His face was maybe a foot or two away from Ranboos body, he could smell the cold and salty breath. "I thought humans couldn't talk- at least definitely not MER- oh wow! Oh SHIT! Sorry dude, what's your name?"

"Ranboo-" He managed to get out, trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice. "And usually most humans don't like being called it. I'm a he."

"Oh okay! Sorry bossman!" Tubbo grinned, displaying pointed teeth like Tommy's. Ranboos breath became shaky as he closed in on himself.

"Tubbo!" Tommy scolded. "You're scaring him again! Come on-"

Tommy started singing like he was replacing words in a song he forgot, a bunch of las and doos and duns. It was somehow... comforting. Like Tubbos humming-

Oh right. Sirens. Duh.

Ranboo gave a dejected sigh. "Please just drop me off at the cove..."

"Yeah, of course," Tommy said softly. For a siren, his voice wasn't exactly serene. "I think me and Tubs know where your talking about..."

Tommy gave no warning as he started swimming, avoiding the coast of the town and through the back. He was being cradled close to Tommy's chest above water, and noticed Tubbo zooming past them. Ranboo appreciated that, Tommy holding him above water at the sacrifice of his patience.

After about an hour of seaspray and cool rushing winds flying past, Tommy circled in and swam into the cove where Tubbo was waiting beached on the sand. It was a sheer cliff with a sand beach at the bottom, clear waves. Not exactly the safest place, but Ranboo like the peace and quiet of it. This is the place he usually got closest to the water, everyday after school- or before the sun rises in the summer.

Tommy flopped on shore, his more human half supported by his elbows on the sand, and plopped Ranboo down onto the beach. "Will someone know where you are?"

"I know my way back to town..." Ranboo nodded. "Thank you both so much for your help, those bullies probably would have left ne to die."

"Bullies?" Tubbo sat up, looking down at Ranboo.

Ranboo trusted his feet in the sand awkwardly. "Yeah, they don't like me too much, and they stranded me at sea just now. Did you guys not see them?"

Tommy and Tubbo looked at eachother, an understanding between the two of them. Tubbobrested his head on the sand next to Ranboo. "Do you have any friends?"

Ranboo took a moment to think. Sure there were people he talked to... but he didn't know if any of then would call him their friend back. Ranbok shook his head.

Tommy nodded. "We don't either."

Ranboo frowned at this information. Why wouldn't anyone like them? Even as a human, Ranboo could tell these sirens were nothing but kind, going out of their way to save him, going out of their way to help a creature they didn't think of as equal. Imagine how nice they were to their supposed peers.

Ranboo didn't know what he was saying,but the words spilt out of his mouth. "Would you guys want to meet here before the sun rises every morning? To hang out? Because ya seem really cool and we're all lonely and-"

Ranboo stopped, looking up at the sirens. They both looked like lost kicked puppies being given a treat.

Tommy smiled. Ranboo felt too happy for him to be scared of the teeth. "Fuck yeah! We've got nothing better going on."

"It'll be nice to be around someone other than this screecher-" Tubbo rolled his eyes, brushing sand onto Tommy with his tail.

"I'll have you know I am a phenomenal singer-" Tommy hissed, pointing a finger at Tubbo. The other siren and Ranboo laughed at his angry rant.

Ranboo looked up at his new... friends? That was nice. His bew friends. Even if they were big and scary, he found his inhibitions melting as the day wore on, laughing and joking.

Eventually, the sky turned orange and Ranboo knew he had to go home before his parents got concerned, luckily his clothes had dried through the day.

The sirens dragged themselves back into the water, waving bye as they swam off. Ranboo watched their tails go up and down in the water as they got farther and farther away. Once he couldn't see them anymore, he began the hike up the cliff back into town.

Ranboo smiled, giddy. Friends. He could get used to that.

[akumanoken]

Souji's eyes were wide when they got to the resort. "W-wait I thought we'd be staying in the main hotel?? This is so pretty… OH MY GOODNESS DO WE GET OUR OWN POOL??" Souji rushed forward, and Ayato followed behind with a little laugh.

"Yes, well," he chuckled. "Your grandmother was in charge of getting all the accomodations, and decided a villa was best for us, so we're out here sparated from everyone else…" Normally he wouldn't mind either way, but knowing that his brother would be coming soon he was epecially graeful. Having a space, and Souji, all to himself was perfect. "Everyone will be filing in tomorrow, and then we'll have the rehearsal that night…. and then Thursday….."

Souji turned to him with a bright smile, eyes sparkling. "And then Thursday we'll be married…" He rushed over, juming on Ayato and kissing his face. "This is a dream, Aya I can't believe this is happening!!"

He grunted softly when he was near tackled, but chuckled, carrying him to the couch to sit down. "Well believe it… The first days of the rest of our lives…."

[zanesgirlfriend]

Placing Bets | Zane Hijazi

Requested by anonymous: zane scenario where you are close with the vlog squad and zane and u have lowkey been crushing on each other for ages but u live far away and one day u suprise the vs and come visit and y'all get drunk and zane and u finally make out or more or talk about feelings or smth like this??

_____

She couldn't help but miss him. She had to move away for work for a few months, but she always knew she'd be back. It was her first visit to L.A. in two months, and nobody knew she was coming. Of course she'd kept in contact with the squad. Mostly Zane, but texts from everyone else came sparatically.

She knew he liked her, and he knew she felt the same, but the words never wanted to come out. He was so close to telling her how he felt, but then she had to leave. He'd get drunk every night and whine about her to his friends. How he missed her and loved her and wanted her back, close to him. They were tired of hearing him, but they knew he needed to let it out.

She took a plane early one morning, having a weekend off was rare and she couldn't help but buy a ticket. The wine helped her decide, to be honest.

Two more months until you come back!

I'm so excited to hang out with you again, you have no idea

Trust me, I have an idea. Can we FaceTime?

i can't right now, but I'll talk to you later.

He had no idea that she meant face to face.

She took an uber up to David's, having a sneaking suspicion that Zane would be there. She was nervous until she noticed his car parked in the street. The gate was open so she walked right up, hearing familiar voices through the door.

"Maybe I should fly out and surprise her." Zane's voice traveled through the house. It was perfect.

"I'm already ahead of you there." She called to him as she opened the door.

"Y/n!" Zane screamed, running over to her. The myriad of people in the house yelled out their excitement as well, but Zane was the only one that truly mattered to her.

"Zane." She was almost in tears as he enveloped her in a big hug. He instinctively kissed her cheek as he held her tight, bringing a bright flush to both of their faces.

"You should've told me so I could've filmed that!" David jokingly complained as the pair broke from their hug.

"I didn't want you to ruin the surprise." She laughed as she brought him in for a hug as well. She got reacquainted with everyone fairly quickly. A few stories were spread and everyone caught up before everyone was back to their regularly scheduled programming.

"Do you have a hotel or something?" Zane asked her. They were sat outside on David's lawn chairs, taking a few minutes to catch up privately. The gang inside was secretly watching from the windows, waiting for them to kiss.

"No, I didn't plan that far ahead." She chuckled and remembered how drunk she was the night before when she booked the flight.

"You can stay at my place, I'll sleep on the couch or something." He offered. The crew watched her nod and smile, having no idea what they were talking about.

"Waiting for them to kiss is like watching paint dry." Todd leaned over the back of the couch, staring at the couple.

"My mom always used to say that a watched pot never boils." Natalie added as she walked by.

"This shit is gonna boil when both of them get drunk tonight." Carly threw in, also staring blatantly at them through the glass door.

"Let's place bets on if they hook up." David looked up from his laptop.

"Ooh, fun!" Erin shouted, excited to turn their situation into a game.

"$100 on before we go out tonight." Todd placed his bet.

"$100 on after we go out." David added.

"$100 on when we're out." Erin laughed.

"Yeah, I'm on that too." Carly agreed with her before going back to staring at the two. "Act normal, they're coming!" She sat back down dramatically, as if she was about to be caught doing something illegal. Todd did the same and everyone broke out into giggles as Zane and y/n re-entered the house. They were so infatuated with each other that they didn't even notice the strange giggles from their friends.

"We're gonna go drop her stuff of at my house, text me where we're going tonight." Zane told David and the rest of the group as he went to grab y/n's suitcase. They were barely out the door before Todd was trying to collect his money.

The trip to Zane's was filled with awkward sexual tension, and neither of them could wait to have a drink. A few beers were cracked open as the pair started to get ready for the night, and before long they were laughing and singing like old best friends.

"I really fucking missed you." Zane took one of her hands and placed the other on her waist, doing some sort of waltz around his bedroom. She threw her head back in laughter and they danced together.

"I really fucking missed you, too." And they danced for a while before she finally had to finish getting ready.

"David's gonna pick us up- whoa." Zane interrupted himself as he walked into his bedroom. Y/n was doing a final check in his mirror, and she looked stunning. The dress she was wearing flattered her body well, and she had light makeup, letting her natural features shine.

"What?" She grinned at him as she walked out into the hallway. The scent of her favorite perfume stuck to Zane as she walked by, leaving him more entranced than ever.

"You're stunning." He mumbled.

David picked them up, and could tell by the fact that they weren't falling all over each other that he still had a chance to win the bet. They arrived at someone's house and the pair went off to get more drinks. Y/n could tell that she blew him away with her outfit, and needed a little alcoholic help to be able to deal with her feelings for Zane. His feelings were similar, but he didn't want to get too drunk. He wanted to remember as much of her visit as possible. He drank slowly, only going through three beers and a shot during the night. Not enough to be shit faced, but still enough to have a strong buzz. Carly and Erin frowned as the group left the party, sad that they both had just lost a hundred dollars. Zane and y/n danced together, but they didn't disappear to hook up somewhere.

They crawled out of the Tesla and into Zane's house, leaving the rest of the group to discuss.

"So I win, right?" David asked the girls. Todd had gone with his girlfriend somewhere earlier in the night.

"They have to hook up for you to win. Maybe they won't even kiss." Carly's head moved sharply to emphasize her point.

"I guess we'll find out tomorrow." David settled as he turned out of Zane's driveway.

Inside the house, y/n's confidence grew at the same rate of her buzz. She stripped down in front of Zane, giving him a view of her backside as she bent over her suitcase. She dressed in a large t-shirt before sitting down on his bed. His pants twitched for a moment before he moved on and did the same.

They sat cross-legged across from eachother on the bed, staring longingly into each others eyes. "I really like you." Zane finally admitted. His heart pounded as he searched for feeling on her face. It skipped a beat as a grin adorned her face.

"I really like you." She let out a deep breath as she admitted her feelings. They started at each other once more, this time more comfortably. Slowly, they leaned in towards each other, Zane's meaty hand cupping her face as they both closed their eyes. Their lips met, and it all went from there.

Little did they know that David just won three hundred dollars.

[w34rdk1dc0r3]

Why Killed Markiplier EXPLAINED (notes)

Hi these are my notes- they’re very sparatic and hard to understand but I figured y’all might want them. They were made while watching Markiplier’s latest stream—the time stamps are for DAMIEN and when Mark paused to explain. I don’t have the time stamps for where he explained everything though!! Sorry!

TLDR; this is me frantically taking notes on whatever Mark said related to DAMIEN. :)) these are unedited, so take the spelling errors and stuff with a grain of salt.

WKM notes:

-0:57 (Go Back to Sleep reference) “oh these are parallels - yeah you’re right these are parallels”. Opening shot of Damien from 0:04 of GBTS. Go back to sleep = wanted to make Damien. “This is the mood I want”. DIRECT PARALLEL.

-Opening, establishing, environment. THIS IS JUST HOW FAR DAMIEN WENT EVERY DAY; HE HAD TO GO THIS FAR JUST TO GET WOOD. VERY LONG WALK.

-1:05 Celine is an observer, waiting for him to come back.

-2:11 Wanted to flesh our Celine as a character. Celine = Unknown. “I am not a perfect writer, I’m not a great writer; I’m better than I was.” Celine introduced as not a perf character: motivations UNKNOWN/never determined. “Don’t trust the seer” =\= don’t know what she does/represents. Damien brother/sister canon; had something to care for. THERE TO PROTECT HER BROTHER!!!!! Damien has simple job.

-3:22 “mostly like- I wanted to write dialogue to establish relationship” Celine = overprotective controlling older sibling. Nice dynamic/friendly/showcase flower is not normal. THINGS ARE LOOPING; Celine stops “did u really see a flower?”; strange. SQUISHED. “Starting to sound like mom”

-3:30ish Damien SUDDENLY GETS TIRED. On a LOOP. Winter will be over soon. Trees covering hills = every day he goes to cut a tree. Endless trees. Living SAME EXACT DAY. Celine goes out at night to do business/job. NUMBER OF TREES NOT THE POINT. PURGATORY. FLOWER = FIRST CHBGE.

-4:40 flower: PINK!!!!! dialogue EXACT LINES from WMLWS. Winter -> spring, leaving purgatory. Flower = warfstache peeling back layers covering up world/crack code of matrix/starting to spread out. Flower just a result of warfstache coming to terms with what’s happening and where it’s going. Time is wishy washy. Time has no start or finish of it. Exists = always existed. Everything unified space, someone breaking rules over HERE spills out and effects others in that place. Rules change = rules change for everyone. Dialogue saying that THIS is a RESULT of warfstache, not!!! a conscious choice.

-5:21 pattern!!!!! established

-6:52 something is definitely changing and Celine is worried. Celine goes out to HUNT FOR ACTOR!MARK, NOT TO GUARD. GONNA KILL ACTOR!MARK. Go back to sleep/wake up: duality of two characters having to share a body. Celine made THIS place for broken things(Damien!!). Celine made mistakes in WKM; misjudged actor capabilities. Celine always tries to protect Damien!!!’ she would do LITERALLY ANYTHING to protect Damien. “YOU NEED SLEEP”-damien can stay “alive” only because he sleeps. Not getting enough sleep= you absolutely need to sleep while Celine is out bc you can only be yourself if that is so.

-7:45 bc warfstache is unintentionally breaking universe they’re in, actor!mark can take advantage of it. NOT deception. This day is important because change started NOW—everything before was looping. Damien cutting wood/useless task = Celine’s stuff in an endless loop too (finding mark). SOME control, not IN control. No one is IN CONTROL. Matter of them both being in purgatory until warfstache comes to term with his place in the world.

-8:32 can see shadow of figure in ice.

-9:33Damien’s led to believe Celine is in the water lol. Door of cabin locked from outside. (Flower)= no meaning. “Everything is very plain. With this, it is similar. Everything is very plain.” Too focuses on the details. Winter = seems like purgatory.

-10:02 voices - wanted something to fill the spaces of everything. Auditoría Kay engaging. Hearing things behind the scenes. “Why are you hearing voices?” Not abt what the voices are saying.

-10:13 Actor!Mark; very hard to voice 2 diff characters and have them sound remotely different.

-11:01 Wilford/A!Mark same line. Convey two different people who both (at this time of story) were saying apologies. TWO confrontations happen = similar (detective warfstache/Damien Mark). Similar convos, different people. Things happen in different ways because who they are. Will actually says an apology, actor mark NEVER apologizes.

-12:07 very first conversation we have with the actor. ONLY SAID ONE LINE “welcome welcome one and all, etc.” If something is not ON THE SCREEN or implied in some way, it isn’t 100% proven. Going through summary is PROOF of his crime. “Plans weren’t exactly properly executed”. What he wanted only happened 50%

-13:01 “Celine needed to have motivation to have a character/drive”. Can’t just say actor wanted revenge without painting the kind of person he is. He can’t imagine other people not loving that; thinks he’s doing Damien a favor. HES A NARCISSIST. “Nobody is fully evil or fully good”. Reason he thinks he’s the hero is bc if his perspective, he IS; everyone else is the villain/did him wrong.

-13:43 “oh yeah Wilford STOLE Celine from me lol” STUPID AND NARCISSISM WACK. His career tanked after she left. “It’s her fault bc he lost everything”. “I’m gracious because I decided to move on”.

-14:28 Damien starting to remember but doesn’t understand everything; big dummy softy. Doesn’t realize he’s KINDA dead. Rotten corpse = his reflection.

-14:59 actor wants MORE characters in his story; he wants a villain. Confusion of what you’re supposed to do- represents Damien’s confliction “when do I have a CHOICE??”

-15:30 for so long Wilford/actor have been “If Celine even saw me she would rip my heart out”; “Celine is a FUCKISBNG badass.”

-16:18 Damien just wants to make a choice “life is ours to CHOOSE”. Fire going out = Damien feels dead. Cold, dead.

-17:07 music=wanted to carry on emotional connection. Celine: “I’m tired” she has never slept; watching, hunting, NOT RESTING. Celine is a creature of willpower that she powers through it. Damien: “Am I dead?” Celine: “NO!!” Not on my watch; wall cracking-> sanctuary crumbling. “...no” :(( “I’m so tired”. Celine both starts to admit defeat, but then she picks herself back up. Damien cares so much about her and is very protective about her. Shared line: “just be careful/I can take care of myself (I don’t need help, especially from you.” If she keeps going down this path, she’ll never get out of it (same thing with Abe). Damien/Will want to help.

-17:23 “I know you can’t take care of me forever”; Damien making a choice, IMPORTANT. He trusts that Celine is trying to do the best for him; knows whatever she’s doing/her motives are, at the end of the day, she’s his sister and he wants to help. Whether or not that means things will change for him. Damien’s one moral: This is a story about coming to terms that life throws at you. About someone that didn’t choose things to happen to them, but (In mark’s mind) it’s not about what happens, it’s about how you respond. The choices you make when that happens; it may not always work out but those choices define who you are as a person. At the end of it all, Damien doesn’t understand but he knows Celine can’t do “this” alone.

-17:54 Damien knows he can’t go back to the life he had, and he’s okay with that. “He’s OK that Celine tried to fix, but trying to fix him will get her killed. And he’s okay with him not being fixed”.

-19:49 Celine has been doing everything herself; Damien is offering help. CELINE ISNT DEAD HECK YEAH. “This isn’t a place of the mind-“ fake water. SHE IS SLEEPING UWU UWU. MARKIPLIER TV INSTANTLY AFTER THIS.

-EXTRAS:

•Overarching meaning/story: “These are stories.” In the universe, the world they live in after WKM is stories. They’re acting our scripts/videos because they are characters in stories. It doesn’t matter what was said, it matters why. Celine/Damien live in that story because she made up a narrative for them. Nothing happening in DAMIEN is truly real. Actor wants the ideas of hero’s/villains, he wants to imagine and play pretend. The house is just an analogy for Mark’s imagination/head. CANON that there are plot holes.

EX Detective Abe: (WMLWS) He is going to be the detective in every story. Whatever detective role he needs to be. Doesn’t know why he has to hunt Will down. Hasn’t lived “The Detective”’s life, so he doesn’t know the details, doesn’t have the script. Wilford is acting out of the script because he isn’t IN the script; he’s having FUN.

•Damien: empathy / Warfstahce: insanity, zany, doesn’t always make sense, goofy, fun!!! / ACTOR: Narcissistic part of Mark.

•In “this universe” (the Masson/mark’s Brain), characters act out their lives-> transformed where life doesn’t make sense.

•Not all characters are a part of MARKIPLIERS personality. Characters not representing mark were before actually mark. Went in the mansion ->they were trapped there, the mind (of another Mark?).

•The viewer is, under those terms (an observer), right there, behind the class. They’re the viewer.

•After WKM, we’re watching everything unfold. We’re forced to be an observer -> we can’t change or do anything, only watch. We aren’t trapped with the characters.

•In CANON, Damien -> Markiplier TV.

•A Date with Markiplier doesn’t wrap in with this. Everything happens AFTER WKM.

•Actor SPIRALED bc he couldn’t accept that he lost roles/his wife left him. His choice was to create a situation that tore his entire friendship/ppl that cared abt him apart. He killed/destroyed lives/did terrible things bc that’s how he replied.

•Warfstache was thrown into situation where former friend contrived a situation that took everything away from him. Justification was madness; things didn’t make sense to him so he choose to role with it and enjoy things while they were there. Temporary nature of life is why it’s so precious. Lives in the NOW, the MOMENT.

•Damien has no choice of what was happening. Didn’t understand why his friends tore themselves apart/Will didn’t care/Mark dead/sister suddenly there performing occult things. He was robbed and had things stolen from him; he’s the kind of person that wants to help, he also wants revenge. But the point is: the choices that led him to where he was were choices that helped the ppl he cares abt.

•Who is the character in this universe that is the opposite of Mark (what he said abt darkiplier)?

[everythingandeveryplace]

*Thorns part 6 Eric x OC*

He was on administrative lockdown, locked down in the pits, his knuckles bleeding and his lip busted.

“It’s just until you calm down. You almost killed Elliot Eric. I know you have a temper but we can’t have you attacking everyone in the faction.” Max sighed, running a hand over his face, he looked exhausted and Eric couldn’t help but feel as though he was being scolded, he scoffed.

“This is Dauntless, if he can’t handle a beating he doesn’t fucking belong here.” He growled, throwing a fist into the nearest wall.

Max rolled his eyes and made his way to the door

“Get some rest, I’ll be back in a while.”

As soon as he heard the click of the lock he threw himself on the workout mat closest to the wall, dropping his arm over his eyes. Fucking Elliot Wells.. the fight was far from over, if he thought he could just run his mouth about his girl he had another thing coming.

His girl.

I mean she was wasn’t she? He didn’t think she was kissing anyone else the way she did him and he definitely wasn’t dry humping anyone else against the apartment halls. He wasn’t the boyfriend type, that much was clear but he could be.. for her he would do anything.. maybe that made him some kind of bitch and maybe his dumbass friends would want to run their mouths but he didn’t care, they didn’t get to feel her skin pressed against theirs or watch the way her eyes lit up when she hit the target at weapons practice.. they’d never get to see the way her lips looked swollen and rose red after a kiss.

He fell asleep to thoughts of her vanilla skin and Bambi brown eyes until he was violently shaken awake, Tris was standing in front of him, eyes wide and wet, Four was standing by the door and he looked just as panicked.

“Wake up! Wake up now!” Tris pulled at his arm, tugging him to his feet.

“What the fuck? What are you doing? What the hell is the matter?” Eric ripped his arm free of Tris’ grasp her nails digging into the muscle of his bicep.

“She’s gone! They sent her.. she’s gone! Did you know?! How could you let this happen!” She shouted, her voice shaky as she pushed at his chest

“Who’s gone! What are you talking about!” Maybe it was the fact that he’d been ripped from his sleep or the fact that it was dark and cold down in the pits but he wasn’t thinking straight.. he couldn’t think at all, he hardly even flinched when four threw his body into his and shoved him against the wall.. his arm on his neck to keep him in place.

“Was it all a joke to you? Did they ask you to do it? To play with her like that.. to keep her distracted before they sent her back! Like she was some kind of fucking pound dog?!” Four growled, his teeth bared and his face twisted in anger.

Eric shoved against fours grip, pushing him back

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re..” He trailed off, his head snapping towards Four “Ella..” he whispered “where the fuck is Ella?” His eyes flicked between four and tris frantically.

“Like you don’t know! Your best friend Max was in charge of it all!” Tris had her arms crossed tight around her chest trying desperately to conceal her anxiety, disguising it as anger.

“Tell me what the fuck is going on!” Eric spit, halfway between the open doorway and Fours slightly wavering stance.

“They sent her to the factionless.. she’s human bait.. a distraction so that we can infiltrate.. it’s a suicide mission. They’ll kill her for being a traitor, they sent her so that their leader Dante would be focused on getting revenge he wouldn’t realize our troops are following closely behind her.. you.. you didn’t know.” Four trailed off before his eyes widened “Eric you can’t..”

But it was too late, Eric had taken off down the halls of Dauntless, heavy combat boots rapping against the ground as he rushed into Max’s office instantly gripping him by the neck and pushing him into the wall, fingers tightening around the much smaller mans throat.

“Eric.. Eric it wasn’t me.. it wasn’t my call I tried to stop them.. I did.. I didn’t want..” Max choked, his breathing ragged as Eric tightened his grip.

“You’re in charge! You make the decisions! You expect me to believe it wasn’t you who sent her there.. who did then huh? Who sent her?!” He was sparatic, he could hardly focus on anything other than the man who had sent Ella to her death.

“Me. I did. I sent the girl back.”

Eric whipped around at the slightly familiar voice.

Jeanine.

He should have known.

Eric let Max slip from his fingers and rounded in on the prim and proper woman, ignoring the guards scattered around the room.

“Who the fuck are you to send her back there? She’s walking into a loaded gun.. you sent her to be murdered!” He stuttered, he vaguely registered Four and Tris coming to stand behind him.. they were on his side. There was rage building in his body, if he snapped the woman’s neck, if he cracked her skull against the corner of the desk how fast would they kill him?

“She knew she would be going back, being here was only temporary. She had a job to do and she executed it flawlessly, she’s a brave young woman and she’s doing this for her faction. She’s sacrificing herself for the greater good... she saw that.” Jeanine nodded firmly, a slow smile on her lips. The sight of her purple painted lips tilting upwards made Eric’s stomach flip and turn, he wanted to kill her.

It didn’t make sense.. why would she willingly walk into the fire? Why would she give herself up.. unless she felt that was her purpose.. that’s why she had held him so close and kissed him so tenderly.. she didn’t think she had a choice but to leave him..

Maybe before.. before she made friends, before she found a purpose..a position here in dauntless, before everything... before him.

“We’re going now. We’re raiding them now and we’re getting her out of there.. Alive.” There were no means for argument, Eric turned to Four.

“I’m with you brother. I’m right behind you.” He nodded tightly, determination in his eyes, he’d never seen Eric like this before.. it was commonly known around the faction that the tattooed man cared only for himself, he would kill anything or anyone that got in his way consequences be damned. But here he was, focused solely on the tiny brunette who had stolen his heart.. it was strangely amazing to see.

“You can’t just decide..” Jeanine huffed, quickly being interrupted by Eric

“I’ve decided not to take that stapler to your face.. don’t press your luck.. we’re going to get my girl.. and we’re going now. Gather your army.” He didn’t look back not once, he kept his eyes trained on the road from the moment he attached himself to the side of the Dauntless tank to the second the factionless compound came into view.

Eric was willing to do whatever it took, he didn’t know how long she’d been in there.. what they’d done to her..but they’d pay.. he just hoped he wasn’t too late.

They made it through the gated underground community without being spotted, it was only when they barged through the doors of the run down factory building that it became very clear to the factionless exactly what was going on. They’d scrambled to get there weapons but there were too few of them, they were underprepared, clearly not ready for battle. Jeanine had been right.. they were distracted.. the reason for the distraction was currently being shoved past the gates, a man around Eric’s age and height was trying to sneak Ella out of the compound.. his grip tight on the bruised and battered girl.

“Ella!” Eric called to her, relief flooding his body when she whipped towards his voice, he saw just the slightest bit of relief behind her battered face before she was wrenched away from the iron gate by her hair.. that must be Dante. He saw red, charging towards the gate his gun lifted directly at the space in between the dark haired man eyes.

“No!” Ella shook her head aggressively, watery eyes wide “don’t shoot him, you need him.. you need his information!”

“I don’t give a shit about what he’s hiding.” The gun clicked in anticipation as Eric lined himself against the gate, he couldn’t get in it was locked but Dante seemed frozen to the spot, fear sketched across his face at Eric’s hard, cold and glazed eyes.

“I’m gonna enjoy this” he sneered, fingers tightening around the trigger, the man fell to the ground screaming shoving Ella into the gate on instinct.

Eric stared at Dante writhing on the ground then back to his gun. He hadn’t shot it.

“Ella!” Tris ran towards the shaking brunette embracing her in a tight hug “I didn’t think it would work, thank god eric had him distracted while we snuck back here.” Her green eyes fell in disgust to the man laying on the floor. “He’ll live, it was a dart gun.. he’s just temporarily paralyzed. Come on! Let’s get you out of here.” She reached for Ella’s hand immediately dropping it when the girl in question let out a sob, clutching at her side and cradling her wrist. “It’s broken.. and my fingers.” Her fingers were all twisted funny, obviously individually broken, erics sharp inhalation of breath had Ella turning back to the gate.

“You weren’t supposed to come after me.. you were supposed to understand.. you’re a soldier like me.. you were supposed to let me die.” She whispered, tucking herself into Tris’s side and allowing the taller girl to pull her back to the tanks, Four was cuffing Dante went he looked back to Eric.

“She’s never going to think she’s worth anything.. her parents made sure of that when she was younger.. just like yours did. She needs you man, and you need her.” He didn’t day anything else, just hauled the screaming man to his feet and disappeared amongst the shrapnel leaving Eric to gather the rest of the troops, his mind in something else entirely.

*****

“Im okay Tris.. im just tired and my ribs hurt.. I just need a hot shower and a nap.” She smiled weakly, taking the stairs one at a time slowly tried hovering behind her.

“You sure you don’t want me to stay with you? Or you could stay with me? Just so someone’s there to help you?” Her friend gently helped her up the last step, pushing at the small of her back.

“I told you it’s okay, it’s not like I haven’t been beaten up before.. this is Dauntless.” Ella teased half heartedly.

“Beaten up” is different than three broken ribs an entirely broken hand, a concussion and pretty severe blood loss.” The short haired blonde raised a brow, before her eyes zeroed in on something in the distance, a guilty kind of smile gracing her lips as she backed away “but if you’re sure you’ll be fine.. I better get back to Four, He was just with Max.. I’ll get you all the details on the morning.” She bent down and pressed a kiss to her friends cheek before shooting down the stairs leaving Ella to limp to her apartment door on her own.

Or atleast she thought she was alone.

Eric was leaning against her apartment door, arms crossed and that stern look on his handsome face.

“Oh no.” She mumbled, fumbling in her pockets for her keys “Eric.. I’m really tired.. I don’t think I have it in me to fight right now.. I just want..”

She was instantly cut off when Erics arms circled around her, pulling her into his body with a softness she didn’t know he possessed. His face buried in her hair and his hands slipped under her ripped T-shirt to rest on her back, the contrast of his warm fingers on her ice cold back made her shiver and she couldn’t help but melt into him. He pulled his face to hers dropping his forehead to hers, he had to duck because of the height difference but soon his eyes were seeking out hers. They were so different in appearance, he was all light an clear while she was dark and rich but still there was something so similar in the way he held himself, similar weight on both of their shoulders.

She was so sore and so tired both mentally and physically that when his arms reached under her knees and hoisted her into his arms she didn’t fight it, she simply nestled into his neck closed her eyes. She didn’t open them until she felt him place her gently on her bed, the mattress dipping when he joined her, his arms wrapping around her tiny broken body and molding himself around her.

“Sleep baby. I’m right here.” He whispered, fingers brushing her curls away from her neck.

They had so much to talk about.. argue about.. but right now?

Right now they had each other..

And that was enough.

[the-chaos-crew]

I also want to add from our experiences, that people in your system will change and behaviors will change. If someone comments on someone's different behavior then say... 6 months before don't think maybe your faking it maybe you don't remember what this personality acts like, most of the time nah. People change and their experiences change their behaviors its perfectly okay. Thought I should mention that as it's been commented on for us many times causing a few "am I faking" spirals as who knew people can change over time??? Such a surprising concept!! And as I've seen it in other systems that their people will slowly change over time has they have more experiences and learning moments.

Also, keep a journal. Not a digital one as those can be found by others, stays forever, corrupt, bunch of others. It's also exhausting to keep up on literally any digital writing meant to write down emotions, mental stuff, all that. We've had a small journal we keep in a purse for over 6 months now and though people don't write in it for they don't know that it's for logging and journaling and writing things down we should talk about to our therapist, it has absolutely helped with emotions as writing things down helps.

I got to think, it's been 2 years since we were aware there's other people in this brain and body, I know we've learned a lot but it's hard to put it all down in one go... I think another big one is that you're going to need some sort of system in place to help clueless alters just forming or fronting. We have just started to get a system going to help those people. Since a lot of the time for us, when a new person fronts they're half locked out of headspace until they find their grounding, we have to rely on our friends to help guide them. They aren't perfect but they do help people a lot more then the rest of us could do.

Oh, and another thing, don't be surprised when someone's gone on a shopping spree and got stuff not fitting your style. You never know maybe they got the host or whoever fronts the most something special. Cough cough Ryan and G. got Zack a huge plague doctor plush a while back while also getting a bunch of shit they wanted cough.

Oh, also if you're still in school or even have work, make sure to have a map of the building, notes on where you need to go/stay, times and dates for class, therapy appointments, all that. Fuck I think just having a map and our classes has helped so many people with school. Also passwords are important. Literally any information, even if you aren't consciously thinking about like places in a building or your house, that you need every single day, write it down, keep a copy, it's helped us a ton, both with our memory problems caused by ADHD, and amnesia of course.

There's not more I can say as we're still learning about living this this shit disorder, so that's all I've got for now. Sorry if it's a bit sparatic, it's less than 10 minutes until I have to leave for school so I'm just spatting out my thoughts.

-Raymond

We've been aware of our DID for almost 2 years now.

Due to that we've learned some things about learning you have DID and interacting with social media. Especially things like Tumblr and Tictok.

Here's some of that information:

Being open about having OSDID online it's best to consider the idea of not tagging who's fronting. I've seen a lot of people always putting down who's fronting. That can be exhausting and nobody is privy to that information. It's ok to keep some things private.

Remember to LOG OFF not like for a couple of hours I'm talking up to a month. Don't log anything don't look at any info on this disorder. Just take some time to yourself. The online community can be really stressful especially with all of the discourse and strict 'rules' some people place around this disorder.

If you're new to understanding DID/OSDD please don't interact with Syscourse. Genuinely stuff like that is exhausting when you're trying to figure yourself out. You should not have to put yourself into that it is not your job to solve anything.

Understand that it's ok to find out you where wrong. If you thought genuinely that you might be a part of a system and then find out it's something else? That's ok! No matter how long it takes you. Brains are complicated and fickle things trying to figure it out isn't going to be a linear process.

Make sure to keep up with other hobbies. I know that finding out about something like this can end up consuming a lot of time. There is so much to research and genuinely it's easy to fall into a hole. This may be a huge part of your life but it is not the only thing in your life.

If you tell someone about your DID it's not your job to answer every question. But to make sure they don't find any harmful misinformation give them a place to start researching. If you don't want to answer a million questions? That can be exhausting especially having to hold the pressure of being 100% right all the time.

For those who are starting to think they may have OSDID. Log off the internet, see if your symptoms hold true for a while. Realizing you may have a disorder like this can be really stressful. So making sure you don't fall into a hole or spiral by taking a break is incredibly important.

Utilize the block button. Block tags too. Sometimes the online community can be a mess. you don't have to deal with things you don't want to.

You are not obligated to engage in syscourse.

Finally, don't pressure yourself too hard. The internet can be exhausting sometimes. If anything on here is putting you through to much? You aren't required to interact with it. Take care of yourselves first and foremost.

[newyorkxpizza]

Personal Blog 14

Short again tonight. Have to get up early tomorrow and it’s already 4:30. I’ve had to get up at 8 every day this week because I’ve been so busy. Before, I was dreading the trip I have to take to South Dakota for family gatherings and anniversaries. It didn’t seem like it was going to be a vacation. But now, it does. It feels like I’m finally going to get what little amount of summer I have in to rest and recover for the coming year. I have a lot of goals that I want to achieve, but right now my life just feels sort of unplanned and unorganized and I’m trying to set up a schedule for everything but it’s all just happening so randomly and sparatic. I need a routine to follow and I’m not getting one. I really can’t wait for when school picks up. I’m goin to have so much fun and I’ll have a daily routine that I follow every day. It makes me feel like a robot sometimes, but sometimes I like it that way. Like yeah I like to have my own stuff like at nights to go out with friends and party and have fun, but that’s not an everyday thing and those types of nights are usually planned out and not decided on the day of.

I need to review my online classes. I haven’t gotten on in a few days and I have to take a test soon so I need to study for it but my brother has a habit of getting on the computer and never getting off of it.

I had a dream about him again. The only him that hasn’t left my head since the first time I saw him. Damn, I was such an idiot. But he was so cute. And so nice. I dreamt I was back in school and we made eye contact and he smiled at me. He winked at me. Not exactly like sexually, but more of a “I know how you feel and I feel the same.” It was relieving. Revitalizing. I woke up and lived out my day a little happier before I realized that it had only been a dream. Maybe it hurt to see that because I never got closure. He blocked me out of his life and I never got to say goodbye. After that he never made eye contact. He never told me what was wrong or why. It just hurt me then and doubt it’s going to stop hurting anytime soon. I’ll just keep trying to get over it. His song in my album I mentioned in my last post is going to be one of the hardest to write.

[herdelusionstranger]

Open Kitchen Design & Interior Decoration

Modern apartments tend to open layout and common space of all living quarters. This arrangement has its own advantages and drawbacks. We know a lot about different nuances of having studio apartment and the most complicated thing is separating the kitchen from the rest of room. If there everything is clear about the bathroom and toilet (these should be independent and sparate premises), the other…

[skandias]

Författare: Elin Stadenberg @elinstadenberg Utgivare: Skandias – Din Rese Partner i Australien

26 Januari, Australia Day 2016. Exakt den dagen landade jag i Sydney, med en halvtom plånbok redan från start och med en känsla av skräck, förväntningar och frihet. Jag hade ingenting planerat när jag satte mig på flyget från Sverige och reste till andra sidan jordklotet, inte ens en säng att sova i första natten. Jag och min reskompis gick omkring som vilsna myror på Sydneys breda gator, med stora ögon och utan någon vetskap om framtiden. Hade vi varit naiva som hade trott att vi skulle kunna överleva i den har staden utan en spänn kvar på sparkontot, eller skulle det här bli vårt hem hela det kommande året?

För att få reda på vad vi gett oss in på var det lika bra att slänga sig in i livet som Australiensare så fort som möjligt. Dessutom ville vi rädda oss själva från storstadens dyra hostel, så vi vände oss till  www.couchsurfing.com. Couchsurfing är en social och nyfiken resenärs bästa vän, ett nätverk som kopplar samman människor över hela världen. Här kan du hitta andra människor som reser eller bor i staden du befinner dig i, event att gå på eller en soffa att bo på för natten. Tanken är att ge och ta, bjuda hem och bli bjuden tillbaka.

Vi var väldigt glada över att Liam besvarade vårat meddelande och öppnade både sin famn och sitt hem för oss. Med karta i hand hittade vi hem till hans studentlägenhet i hjärtat av Sydney och möttes av ett energiknippe lika bubblig som drinken han höll i sin hand. Australiens nationaldag skulle firas och bland studenterna var festen redan igång. Vi hann knappt slänga in väskorna eller ens förstå att vi var i Australien innan vi hamnade i Victoria park där människor drack vin i hattar med Australiens flagga på. Tack vare couchsrufing och Liam glömde vi bort jetlag och svullna fötter bland fest och nya vänner. Den kvällen somnade vi i ett tält vid Bondi Beach och vaknade när de första morgonpiggna surfarna hoppade i havet. Vi kunde inte ha fått en bättre start på vårt äventyr.

Byron Bay

Många eftermiddagar den första veckan i Sydney låg jag på rygg i Hyde Park och smälte mina intryck. Palmerna, fontänerna och molnen över parken gör den till en lugn oas mitt i staden men skyskraporna ovanför vittnar om det snabba tempot nere på marken. Vi gick runt och tittade i skyltfönstren till alla stora märkesbutiker och köpte sushi på en av många gaturestauranger, men annars sökte vi oss till det jag gillar mest med Sydney, alla vackra stränder. Vi stannade inte särskilt länge, luffarlusten var för stor och vi ville påbörja vår roadtrip längs med östkusten som vi hört att så många andra backpackers gör.

Vi hittade två svenska killar på facebookgruppen Svenskar i Australien och bestämde oss för att göra roadtripen tillsammans med dem. Vi alla visste ungefär lika lite om den australienska östkusten, så för att ta reda på mer hyrde vi en van och tänkte utforska saken längs vägen. Jag föredrar alltid att inte planera mina resor sa mycket, att inte veta vilket nästa stopp kommer att vara eller var man kommer att sova nästa natt ger en kittlande frihetskänsla. Man tvingas att vara spontan och blir mer öppen för oväntade händelser och möten. Utan någon tid att passa kan man tillåta sig själv att styras av lust och magkänsla.

Backpackar på Öst kusten

Vi kollade på utsikten i fantastiska Blue Mountains, badade i bohemiska surfparadiset Byron Bay och gick på pubcrawl och kustvandring på Sunshine Coast. Vi begravde fötterna i varm sand och doppade tårna i ljumna hav. Vi matade kackaduvor i Airlie Beach och dök med tuber i det stora barriärrevet tillsammans med sköldpaddor och färgglada fiskar. Allt detta var precis lika underbart som det låter, men det jag minns mest från vår resa är känslan i magen av att tiden inte existerar. Att ha svarta fotsulor för att man alltid går barfota och att satta på sig samma shorts för tioende dagen i rad. Att vakna vid en vägkant på ett bilsäte när vi inte hittat camping, dra upp sätet, veva ner rutan och vara iväg igen. Att stanna och bada i ett vattenfall när man inte duschat på flera dagar och sedan soltorka genom en öppen bilruta. Att ha högsta volym på stereon när man kör i 120 på motorvägen och skriksjunga med i låtarna för att lyckan tar i från tårna. Att andas frisk luft, att vara fri.

När vi nådde vår slutdestination Cairns var det dags att saga hejdå till mina reskompisar som längs vägen ökat från tre till fem. Min plånbok var lika tom som jag kände mig av att resan var slut och jag hade inte en aning om var jag skulle ta vägen härnäst. Med mina 200 dollar som var kvar skulle jag tvingas åka tillbaka till Sverige om jag inte fått jobb inom de närmsta dagarna. Precis som att det var meningen hade jag bytt nummer med en snäll australiensare nere på Sunshine Coast ett par veckor tidigare. Han hette Nathan och var bara en av alla människor vi träffat på vår roadtrip och det var bara en slump att vi hade ramlat in i varandra utanför en pub vid stranden. Mitt möte med honom blev dock ett av mina mest betydelsefulla i Australien. Han hörde av sig när jag var som fattigast och erbjöd mig en plats i sitt kollektiv nere i Brisbane helt gratis tills jag kommit på fötter igen.

Jag älskade Brisbane. Det var mysigt och litet med vackra berg bortom staden och det första stället i Australien där jag kände mig hemma. Jag hade svårt att hitta jobb så efter ett tag började jag samla in pengar i en bössa åt en hjälporganisation som gav mig en slant för mödan varje dag. Jobbet gav mig inte mycket i pengar, men desto mer i vänskap. Vi som jobbade tillsammans blev snabbt ett gäng och jag och en tjej som hette Regina kom särskilt bra överens. Hon var i precis samma situation som jag och bodde också gratis hos ett par australiensare i staden. Tillsammans lärde vi oss konsten att överleva, plankade på tågen, samlade på oss mat från gratishyllor på hostel, drack det billiga backpacker-vinet goon och gick och dansade på alla gratisklubbar i stan. Och även om jag aldrig förr haft så ont om pengar hade vi the time of our lives för vi fick verkligen känna att vi levde.

Efter några månader hade jag och Regina sparat ihop tillräckligt mycket pengar för att kunna resa vidare. Med löfte om vilda krokodiler och regnskog med vattenfall lockade hon upp mig till Cape Tribulation i norra Queensland. Vi hyrde den minsta och billigaste bilen av en hyrfirma i Cairns och packade in våra väskor och oss själva i den. Cape Tribulation låg två och en halv timme ovanför Cairns och däremellan fanns mycket att se. Utan plan började vi köra norrut och hamnade i en liten ort som hette Atherton. Vi hittade ett litet informationscenter för vilsna turister som oss och fick tre sjöar, fem vattenfall och hundratals utsiktsplatser utpekade för oss. Vi hade hela tio dagar på oss innan bilen skulle vara tillbaka i Cairns så vi bestämde oss för att se precis allt som folk tipsade oss om.

Efter vår första natt på en ödslig gratiscamping vaknade vi i tältet på kuddar lika vattenfyllda som två tvättsvampar. Därefter slutade det aldrig att regna. Drömmen om att flyta runt på luftmadrass nedanför ett soligt vattenfall sprack. Istället sprang vi ut med tröjorna över huvudena och skyndade oss att ta foton på fallen med regndroppar och skratt-tårar rinnandes nerför kinderna. Vi sov i bilen på ett varsitt framsäte varje natt och såg inte en dusch på flera dagar. Men vad roligt vi hade!

Med hjälp av appen Wikicampers hittade vi varenda gratiscamping i alla områden vi åkte till. En kväll mitt ute i skogen förlorade vi teckning och var tvungna att åka runt och leta efter en lämplig plats att sova på. Vi hittade ett upplyst hus med några campingbilar utanför där vi knackade på. Huset var tydligen en golfklubb och vi hade hamnat rakt i en årlig fest för alla medlemmar. Vi blev bjudna på mat och öl och fick ställa upp som vinstutdelare i lottdragningen. Jag och Regina blev festens höjdpunk och de lät oss campa på deras gräsmatta och låna dusch och kök i klubbstugan dagen efter.

Vi nådde slutdestinationen Cape Tribulation och den grönskande regnskogen. Vi trodde knappt att vi skulle lyckas ta oss dit i våran lilla Houndai med tvåhjulsdrift, där vi guppade upp och ner på stigar av lera och branta uppförsbackar. Men väl där var det värt all stryk som bilen fått ta åt oss. Vi såg de mest vackra utsikterna, gick barfota på långa stränder kantade med höga berg och åkte båt på floden med vilda krokodiler liggandes på sidorna.

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Efter att ha lämnat tillbaka bilen i lagom gott skick till bilfirman i Cairns, följde de mest sorglösa månaderna av min tid i Australien. Jag bodde på ett hostel som heter Lazy Duck, och namnet passade perfekt på alla som bodde där. Det var flera som jobbade i Cairns och bodde på Lazy Duck under en längre tid, och vi blev snabbt ett gäng. Vi gled runt i poolen, drack öl på gräsmattan eller åkte på utflykter till vattenfall. Jag fick deltidsjobb som barista på ett café vid havet och arbetspassen betalade hyran på hostelet och ölen på puben. Cairns är väldigt litet och snart kände jag halva staden, vissa av oss blev nära vänner och tillsammans levde vi en backpackers sorglösa dagar med solbränna och för mycket fest.

Plötsligt var det bara fyra månader kvar av mitt visum och jag letade febrilt efter en farm där jag kunde göra mina tre månaders arbeteinstats för att få förlänga mitt visum. Jag vände mig till Happy Travels jobbagentur och innan jag visste ordet av det satt jag på en buss till en bananfarm norr om Cairns. Bussen släppte av mig mitt ute i ingenstans och med gråten i halsen undrade jag om det verkligen var värt det. Tre månader senare stod jag vid samma busshållplats och grät istället av att behöva åka därifrån. Att sortera bananer åtta timmar per dag och fem dagar i veckan är något jag hade kunnat leva utan, men aldrig har jag upplevt sådan gemenskap och kärlek i en grupp av främlingar. Jag har knutit vänskapsband med människor över hela världen och när jag ser tillbaka på min tid på farmen blir jag varm i bröstet av alla minnen vi skapade tillsammans.

Den 27 Januari, Australia day 2017. Jag hade precis fått mitt andraarsvisum beviljat och på en gräsmatta i Melbourne firade jag nationaldag och ettårsjubileum i Australien. Det är här jag bor nu, i Melbourne. Jag jobbar på ett café i det hippa området Fitzroy, där ölklibbiga uteserveringar trängs med veganska fik och secondhand-affärer. Där moderna neonskyltar lyser bland telefonledningstrassel och solblekta husfasader och människor bär tröjor från kända märken eller tigger pengar i kaffekoppar från 7-eleven. Jag har ingen aning om hur mitt andra år i Australien kommer att se ut, men den här gången är jag inte lika rädd. Plånboken är fortfarande bara halvtom men jag vet att bara jag vill, så kommer Australien att vara mitt hem i ett år till.

Följ mig på instagram @elinstadenberg :)

// Elin Stadenberg

Elin Stadenbergs resa fortsätter och tveka inte att höra av dig för mer tips från Elin och oss på Skandias.

Genom Skandias har du massor av rabatter och tips från våra partners Happy Travels som finns utspridda i Australien, Det enda du behöver göra är att uppge Skandias vid din bokning och fråga vilka erbjudanden som finns så hjälper dem dig. Du kan även besöka http://www.skandias.co och på medlemssidan finns erbjudanden att ta del av.

  Ett oväntat år i Australien Författare: Elin Stadenberg @elinstadenberg Utgivare: Skandias - Din Rese Partner i Australien 26 Januari, Australia Day 2016.